a thousand ways to give upevery poem starts about you.
you are what you like to be,
and you are not like me.
i write about your innocence,
i write about your trials,
i write about our common goals,
and your misdemeanor smiles.
but then it all gets twisted around
and it's not worth the point
because it's all about
he's a monster,
he's a creep
and a crawler
it all comes back to him
as much as i would like to go
back to the beginning.
patternyou kill me twelve times over
i'm a coward, not a lover.
there's nothing pretty about me
there's nothing pretty about letting go.
don't pity who i want to be just
because i can't seem to grow.
i can count my ribs but it takes both hands
and a lot of searching, because it seems
i'm never good enough for me
so how could you ever be?
a star is fancy heartbreakshe thought back to when she had assumed her life to be very terrible.
her mother tyrannical, her reflection her biggest comfort and largest source of panic.
mirrors were for smashing and
mouths were for hissing, and
nails were for scratching.
now mirrors were for him;
for watching him shatter them if he saw her
now mouths were for him;
for kissing him when he didn't even remember who she was,
or maybe was just too tired to care
now nails were for him;
for biting, and wondering if he
was going to come home at all,
or if he had really forgotten about her this time
in the time that had passed,
the day or two that he seemed
alive again seemed to slip from her memory
she was tossed into the sea
of his carelessness and indifference
without a life vest.
And at the moments when she
felt particularly alone,
large waves of his ghost-like apathy
would threaten to drown her.
molly loubroken, broken, broken.
all she ever saw were pieces torn apart
laid forgotten to the wayside.
if only she could speak
of all her tradgedies
the wrongs done against her
and the the alabaster ceilings.
he holds her hand
and her hair back,
(when she needs it)
he's afraid to lay in bed with her
until she says she needs him there
but she doesn't know what she
and she writes on his arms
and her lips burn with words
hushed on an acid tongue
he's entranced with all her
ideas and curves and talents and faults
and she's still lost, floating through space
just the begining of a dream
(and he wants to be her end)
she's colorless, but bright
and tasteless in her delight
she's a burning inferno of fire
and ice, and another broken vice.
she's tried to tell him, in that
mixed up way she has of tearing
up her words.
but he won't listen.
but his memory.
ceberushe was once a wicked thing
devoid of a tongue and wings
the fallen angel left to writh
on what had once been her
she left him mute
as if he had spoken
to begin with.
she was his stars, his night,
clashing like the teeth
gnashing from the jaws
better to split and stay together
than combust as one.
burglarcould i talk through windows
could i look through walls?
thieving away my hopes and lies
second hand verses, chords we don't know
we don't understand how to play
but you sing me to sleep anyway
full of dreams that chase my
and it's becoming obvious
that i can't give you up
so, it's getting late,
won't you stay?
there's a key to my heart
and i don't know where it lays
but i bet if you opened your eyes
long enough to look,
it would fit perfectly in your hand
but you don't need it anyway
because you're breaking in
coming in here to steal my
breath and smile
lie of a different sortIt scared her, at first, the way he came back to her with such ferocity. She wasn't used to it at all; usually he was soft with her. She had been half expecting him to turn her away. But he didn't, and she wondered if that should have scared her more. Kisses all down her shoulders, hands grasping at her hips. She leaned back, an odd content feeling coming over her. It was weird; she could never describe it. Just relaxation. Maybe not what you were supposed to feel. She should have been scared, the longer it went on the violence her put on her. But she never was.
She shook her head when he pulled away, like he noticed what he was doing. "I don't care," she said earnestly. And you could see it, she really didn't care. She almost begged him not to stop, Minerva didn't care. Be happy, she thought, even if it's like this. Before, she'd been in a situation like this, and she had retaliated against him like the crack of a whip. Now she just laid in his arms, her only support was Caleb
she's my best friendeveryday i change.
in every pair of eyes i'm different.
they see me as the tease
the bitch, the whore, the heartbreaker.
then they see me as strong
they relay, they think i'll never break
but she sees me the way i am
loud, but silent, strong, but broken.
and she sits with me in the dark when
i make late night phone calls that should
have happened months ago, but no one answers
and then it's quiet again
and i'm back to me
in the silence of the dead of night
things can seem so different
from talk of neon bands and clowny-creepers
(and a little too-cheerful of a ninja)
you can feel that grin coming on
and that's how i know that i belong
don't fight your faceshe's got angel's tangled in her hair
so that it looks like pure lace
and she's got their jaded wings
tattoed across her face
she's got their halos wrapped
around her bloody wrists
and everytime she twists the knife
she leans in for another kiss
her lips are sultry,
stained in red,
and the covers lay ragged
over and under the decrepit bed
things hang under the gallows
like the dead little souls that lost
their lives under the wood
and wander as the forgotten ghosts
she knows they're there
she watches they're hopes
as they die into pains
and forgotten notes
she wishes she could drop
the double bladded knife
and erase away the hurt
of each forgotten strife
but the wrong day
leads to the night
and every wrong word
leads into a fight
and she can't help but win
with the angels on her side
even if they're just trying
to hold on for the ride
I'd Rather Be DeadYou're always asking me if I had anything worth dying for.
I'll pose the opposite to you and ask you this:
"Why is it that you find life to be worth living?"
Is it so interesting to go through each day feeling anxious?
To the point that you feel nauseated enough to collapse.
Is it so joyous to spend each night staring at a blank ceiling,
Hearing the clock tick on toward morning,
And yet you lie awake.
Tired, but awake, emotionless, but awake...
Do you truly get up each day, facing it with optimism.
Or do you look at the news and the state of the world,
And genuinely fear for your safety?
Now, if it were me that you had asked my dear,
I'd tell you quite honestly: That I'd rather be dead.
At least I would not have to hear the white lie inside my head.
That tomorrow will bring me a 'better' day...
But of course, you are welcome to believe that.
Stripping MeYou may take what you want from me,
Be it my pride or dignity.
You may throw insults at me,
And burn the shredded pieces of my sanity.
You may belittle me, as much as you want,
If only to make your meager life worth living.
But even if you do all that...
No one will protect you when I pull you into the dark.
No one will try to search for you, as my leather ropes tie you down.
No one will hear your screams as metallic screws drive into your face,
Etching an eternal smile, since you'll never leave this place...
"Now then, my dear sweet James, shall we play our favourite game?"
We Only Live To DieThis is what we live for—these whispers on our lips
The drying bits of blood on our paper-cut fingertips
Opening the letters that we left our future selves
A bittersweet reminder of those storybooks on the shelves
This is what we live for – this emotion in our souls
The torture and the bittersweet moments of lost control
Biting cracked lips with the dirt beneath our nails
These moments of imperfection as our trains of thought derail
This is what we live for – shutting doors and opening eyes
Smiling for a moment, before the tears reveal our lies
This is what we live for, this reality, this life…
This is what we live for,
As we only live
Past Tense BluesWases
So are weres;
And it's the becauses
That make them feel
That much worse.
You are someone's reason to liveShe had skin like a cactus-
could only hurt
anyone who got
she held what
Bully You're ugly.
You'll never amount to anything.
No one will ever like you.
If you think he'll stay, you're mistaken.
You have no friends.
People hate you.
You are a freak.
You have no place here.
You are nothing more than a coward who
is too afraid to step outside half the time.
Your face is like something from a horror movie.
No one will ever truly fall in love with you.
Guys want girls that are beautiful and face it,
you are considered everything but that.
Hide behind your hair dye because you want to
feign like you don't care.
But inside the cruel eyes of others burn holes into
You will never amount to anything.
The only thing you will ever be good for
is cleaning up dog shit.
You will never be good enough.
Why bother even dreaming?
How can you consider the possibility of love
when everything you do, the way you look, walk,
talk, move, think, can only ever be seen as
Not only is the outside hideous;
the inside is no better.
Why do you think you've
You're Going to be Okay.It’s not your fault.
It’s not what you deserve.
Don’t think that way,
Because one day,
This won’t matter anyways.
Keep your head held high for now,
I know it hurts,
Words can feel suffocating.
As you feel like your lungs are collapsing,
Under the weight of the pain,
In your chest.
I know it stings,
And it seems like it takes forever for the bell to ring.
As you count down the hours.
But it doesn’t matter.
When you just go home,
To sit in your room alone.
Because words unlike bruises don’t go away.
Once they are said they are here to stay.
And silence is excruciating.
But being in a crowd of violent stares,
Is no better.
So where do you go?
Is the question you’ll never know.
But don’t give up just yet!
Things will not always be like this.
Yes, today seems hopeless.
Tomorrow seems worse.
One more day of hearing another hateful word.
Might make your head explode,
And sometimes you want to drive yourself completely off the road.
i'd haunt you if you'd like.my hands are paralyzed and you're waiting for me to touch your face,
but that doesn't really matter because i'd rather touch your soul
and if you close your eyes long enough i'll read you poetry as we lay atop the monkeybars
in this old and rusted park
you can pretend to know the constellations and point them out to me and i'll tell you they're all beautiful, but nothing compared to you
if i'm lucky you'll blush and laugh at me,
tell me i say the dumbest things but deep down it'll register in your soul just how much i love you
and i know they say you can only save yourself, but darling i swear if you'll just have the slightest bit of faith i'll save the fuck out of you or i'll destroy myself trying,
because i honestly can't think of any other purpose for my life
or what smidge of it i've been able to hold on to.
You have to know pain to....Sometimes you have to fall apart.
You have to bleed out,
In order to have the courage to shout.
Against the darkness.
You have to know what it's like,
To feel disconnected,
To be best friends with your anxiety,
Because it's the only thing to keep you company.
Because you've never felt so lonely.
Even though you're surrounded in a sea of noise,
Which drowns out your voice.
As you choke,
On society's noose
You're afraid to cut it loose.
Because you don't know what others will think of you.
You have to know depression.
You have to know what it's like to be alone.
You have to know what it's like to be silenced.
In order to appreciate breathing,
And to fall in love with colors.
After being blind,
For all of that time.
And only being able to see memories,
In order to appreciate a person's presence.
And the feeling,
When you finally find a friend.
Who will stick with you until the end.
And not judge you for your scars.
But loves who you are.
forgive meunrequited, unresponsive
your heart's like a wrist watch
binding my bone.
and i can't think of the
right things to say
when i know that
the way that i say it
will always sound wrong.
and you will always
watch me, and want
to hold me, want to
and i know you want
me to want you,
because i want to.
but i can't.
and that's why
i let you go.
and i can't think
of the words to
that i've done.
god, i love you.
you're too great
for words to be
but i'm not in love
and i really can't
do these things to
you, keeping you
around when one
eye's always down
at my shoes so i
can avoid talking
and i can't
do what i
wish i could
make myself do
i never thought i'd be able to write about it, think about it, talk about, breathe about it...
but here it is.
fuck my life.
it seems that every comment on my poetry has something about fucking my life...
(tehe... my life's a whooore)
... long story short, i sat myself down, and just had a little mental chat.
i felt like everyday i had to talk myself into accepting that relationship. and it wasn't right, because he deserved better than that, than someone who just wasn't right.
and i decided that that little piece of me had the right idea. and i regret hurting him, rarely do i ever regert hurting people, but that i regret.
it did help me see the larger picture that's me, but i still regret it.
i wouldn't take it back though, because of the understanding i've given myself in my world of self-doubt.
but yes, i regret the hurt i accidentally gave.